Admittance

I cannot recall the number of times I have begun this entry in my mind, only to erase it all away and pretend as if none of these words existed. There is a certain fear that comes with the admittance that Honours year has officially started and the reason is startling clear.

I see no end in sight.

While 7 months is by no means another form of forever, it is still long enough to make me shudder in my sleep. How does one meander on in a constantly moving and directionless stream while at the same time maintaining a certain level of consiousness?

While things become clearer to me day to day as I dig deeper into the insatiable pit of the worldliness, I find myself getting lost for everything seems to glitter and call my name.

And such is the freedom of a project that puts you in the driver seat. With your supervisors at the mercy of your driving skill, and the surrounding pedestrians watching, as if expected a spectacular firework display or collision… One can only guess…

Still, I am thankful for listening ears and advice-laden friends who appear and shower upon me their past knowledge and tribulations. Life is easier for they exist.

Meantime, I drown in a world of literature that speaks to me and yet ignore me.

How do you begin searching for something when you are clueless to its’ form and function?

And that is the essential question.