Beginning

The big day of making up your mind came and gone. And like most of other things in life, we turn over the idea a million times in our minds to ensure its flawless nature before saying, 'OK, there... THAT is my choice.

So from now till then, its just playing the waiting game.

Till it starts, to till it ends...

Wanted VS Unwanted

There is a certain relief in knowing that someone wants you.

How much of this conscious mind is borne of my insecurities as a human being? How much of this is due to my knowledge that I have failed to 'do my best' in the previous semester? How much of this is a branch of my perfectionistic streak? And how much of it is inwardly reflected universal approval?

Relief. Is it a emotion that is stemmed from mindful and greedy intent to own and conquer or is it satisfaction of the most primitive yearnings?

So many questions and not many answers.

Still I am glad I have projects to reject. Partly greed and partly primitive. I yearn for choice and opinion.

The Final Stone in the Grave

The inking of the conditional offer seals it.

The kind reminder from the supervisor is a telling preview of the future.

P said:

'While your honours project is based on my hypothesis, you have to maintain your
objectivity and your criticisms of the entire year because at the very
end, you have to defend your thesis and not mine. I can defend my
own thoughts, your job is to defend yours and not mine.'

That's the shimmer of honesty behind all those very very convincing lies that your supervisor tells you every single day of your experimental life.